I thought I had stopped feeling like I wanted to run away since November or so last year. But how wrong I was, today for no reason known to even myself, I felt overwhelmed and suffocated again. I wanted to leave for good. I wished for the 7023741290432184189234123 time that I never had to return to Singers or for the 12343890235028390482309482304 time that I had took the gamble and left in January 2008.
I tried convincing myself staying was the right decision but after an impossibly dismal 2008, I felt like I had wasted a year of my life, drifting through my own life and feeling like a stranger. I don't know how 2009 will turn out for myself, despite all the blessings I had received so far. There is this air of uncertainty which is always in the background and as much I count my blessings, I am not happy.
Honestly, I feel sad all the time. I don't know why but maybe this would explain why I cry for no rhyme or reason, especially after alcohol. Its bizarre, I mean, I even cried on my birthday when I promised myself I won't. Richard is right, Jane always had the ability to hush me into quietude. Jane's shoulder that evening was comforting to cry on.
Maybe I am being irrational but I want to leave for good and when I do, it will be a quiet departure. For now, am squaring my shoulders for the days ahead. Will 2009 be kind to me? I don't know, time will tell.
I tried convincing myself staying was the right decision but after an impossibly dismal 2008, I felt like I had wasted a year of my life, drifting through my own life and feeling like a stranger. I don't know how 2009 will turn out for myself, despite all the blessings I had received so far. There is this air of uncertainty which is always in the background and as much I count my blessings, I am not happy.
Honestly, I feel sad all the time. I don't know why but maybe this would explain why I cry for no rhyme or reason, especially after alcohol. Its bizarre, I mean, I even cried on my birthday when I promised myself I won't. Richard is right, Jane always had the ability to hush me into quietude. Jane's shoulder that evening was comforting to cry on.
Maybe I am being irrational but I want to leave for good and when I do, it will be a quiet departure. For now, am squaring my shoulders for the days ahead. Will 2009 be kind to me? I don't know, time will tell.
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