Sometimes I wonder when I come home feeling shitey from an interview, was it because it was not a job that was meant for me!?! Because WHY THE F87K would I have the gut instinct that I screwed up!?! Was it God's way of telling me the job was not meant for me?! Perhaps so, because I didn't feel quite right about the jobs I went for interviews for. Not because I am being a stubborn idiot in the worsening state of the industry but it really felt that the job fit wasn't quite right, except for a couple which I felt really awful to be passed over because I was not senior enough. Its friggin suxx moneky ballsy that I didn't have enough experience in the those areas and I felt like strangling myself.
Today's interview was another which I felt was not quite suitable for myself but sometimes, you never know, a door closed could mean another opened. I had never thought of making the switch from corporate banking to consumer banking. It really is a whole new ball game. Granted she did acknowledge that I was intelligent to grasp all those technical shite in the previous jobs and that in all probability, I could do pretty well if I was recruited to her team. But, somehow, I found myself questioning as I wandered mindlessly through the shopping mall, was I really ready to give it all up like that? It was not a bed of roses to survive those years and mind you, getting bullied by the senior bankers are KNNCCB F87K UP! I don't look down on consumer banking but I suppose I felt apprehensive and angsty at having to switch just like that if it was the only door left open now.
I always say.... "Keep the faith" during those rough times to the troubled one but its ironical that I am struggling to keep the faith myself. Was it because I doubted God? No, I just felt disheartened at times at what God is putting me through. I should be grateful for the spiritual strength God had strengthened in myself through the years but I feel like right now, for the past 3 months and counting, it had been a very tough test of my faith in God. At times, it felt like God had turned His back on me for having sinned greatly and strayed from my daily walk with Him. At times, it felt like God was waiting for me to repent and walk with Him again. All I say now is, its a spiritual fight internally and I can only pray and leave it in His' hands.
Today's interview was another which I felt was not quite suitable for myself but sometimes, you never know, a door closed could mean another opened. I had never thought of making the switch from corporate banking to consumer banking. It really is a whole new ball game. Granted she did acknowledge that I was intelligent to grasp all those technical shite in the previous jobs and that in all probability, I could do pretty well if I was recruited to her team. But, somehow, I found myself questioning as I wandered mindlessly through the shopping mall, was I really ready to give it all up like that? It was not a bed of roses to survive those years and mind you, getting bullied by the senior bankers are KNNCCB F87K UP! I don't look down on consumer banking but I suppose I felt apprehensive and angsty at having to switch just like that if it was the only door left open now.
I always say.... "Keep the faith" during those rough times to the troubled one but its ironical that I am struggling to keep the faith myself. Was it because I doubted God? No, I just felt disheartened at times at what God is putting me through. I should be grateful for the spiritual strength God had strengthened in myself through the years but I feel like right now, for the past 3 months and counting, it had been a very tough test of my faith in God. At times, it felt like God had turned His back on me for having sinned greatly and strayed from my daily walk with Him. At times, it felt like God was waiting for me to repent and walk with Him again. All I say now is, its a spiritual fight internally and I can only pray and leave it in His' hands.
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